The Freedom Trap: Detachment or Pure Involvement

“I don’t want to get attached to anything. I just wanna be carefree, not tied by the world.” This sentiment echoes in conversations, a mantra for those seeking an escape from complexities of life. Somehow, the idea of freedom has become tangled with the notion of detachment, living without emotions or connections, as if true freedom means feeling nothing.

When I was a child, I used to think freedom was all about doing whatever I wanted. My parents were strict. I needed permission for everything: playing outside, going out with friends, participating in extra-curricular activities and so on. To me, freedom meant breaking free from all those boundaries. It meant doing what I wanted when I wanted. I thought that’s all there was to it.

But then, life happened. I grew up and got to make my own choices. I got that so-called freedom I wanted, but it didn’t feel like I thought it would. I found myself in an imaginary cage. Even with the power to decide for myself, something felt missing. That’s when I realised that real freedom isn’t about being free from others. The real freedom isn’t about the “freedom to” do things. It’s about “freedom from”.

Now the freedom I’m looking for is within. I want freedom from the things that control me. Freedom from reacting to every little emotion, freedom from acting on anger or sadness when life doesn’t go my way. I want freedom from being pushed around by circumstances or expectations. It’s a shift. From wanting the freedom to act to needing the freedom from what drags me down.

True independence doesn’t mean shutting yourself off or trying to live unattached to everything. It’s about learning how to depend on the right people and the right things. You focus on what actually matters, and that focus is where true freedom comes in. It’s not about being isolated; it’s about clearing out the noise, so you’re not distracted by everything, pulling at you.

When I travel these days, I make it a point to immerse myself in the experience to really give in to the moment and absorb the essence of the place. It’s very likely that after visiting 25 places, 26th would add less to my overall experience, so it’s no longer about how many places I visit. It’s about how deeply I experience each one.

We live in a world that constantly tells us “more is better”: more money, more things, more experiences. But when you have too many options, it’s hard to make any decision you get stuck, wondering if there’s something better you are missing. That’s the “paradox of choice”. It doesn’t make us freer, it makes us anxious.

Life isn’t about avoiding attachments or cutting ties to everything. Life demands involvement: real, messy , wholehearted involvement. Sure, attachments bring pain and discomfort, but they also bring depth. You can’t experience the fullness of life without being fully involved in it. When you love someone deeply and things don’t work out, the grief that follows is not separate from the love, it’s a form of love itself.

And in experiencing that grief you truly know what love is. It’s not about avoiding the loss but embracing the entirety of experience. When we constantly chase the next thing, we lose the meaning that comes from staying with something digging deeper into it and letting it shape us.

What we really need is to detach from the impulse to react to every emotion or option we face. It’s not about avoiding emotions; it’s about learning to choose our responses. It’s about not letting ourselves be swayed by every little thing.

Involvement doesn’t limit our freedom. It enhances it. There’s liberation in choosing to commit, to say, “this is what matters to me, and I’m all in.” that’s where the real freedom lies not in avoiding attachments, but in choosing them wisely.

This article is just a personal reflection, not intended as advice or preaching. It’s simply my way of exploring these ideas.